so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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