Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
