dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
