So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
