I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
