i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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