Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
