you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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