meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize