I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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