I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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