we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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