I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
