she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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