He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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