It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
