if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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