So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
