"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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