She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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