I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
