Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
