I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
