Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
