I heard we made out
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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