so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
