it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
