She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ladies don't puke and tell
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
