I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
