He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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