I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
