You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
All the doctor said was why
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
