Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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