She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
