he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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