Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I would fuck him just for his dog
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize