Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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