i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
