I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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