I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
