I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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