As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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