Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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