i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
