I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
