I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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