I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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