I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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