It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
