Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
