OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
