I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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