So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
