Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
