So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
