at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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