I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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