your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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