If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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