i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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