Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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