it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
