i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize