I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
