Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
