My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize