Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize