I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
