Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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