I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
