everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
