I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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