Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
