Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
