I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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