i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
