i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
someone owes me an orgasm
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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