she was so not down for the gang bang
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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