made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
the raccoons are back...
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