My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
