I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
