I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Of course I have a pirate flag
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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