the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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