More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize