U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
