Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I enjoy the company of your penis
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