A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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