dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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