just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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