SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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