Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
