is your mom at the bar?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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