So drunk its hurt
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize