I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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