You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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