Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I want a musical about memes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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