On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
