he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
