My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
