You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
